What is "IT"?

i found this great quote out of a book on urbanoutfitters.com.
"we wish to be happier than other people, and this is always difficult, for we beleive others to be happier than they are."
--Charles-Louis de Secondat, Baron de Montesquieu

Have you ever found this to be untrue?  It's amazing how this one quote can speak for all of us.  If there is someone out there who has not once in their life wished to be happier than someone else, i surely would like to meet this anomaly.  so, this begs the question - when are we ever truely happy?  when are we satisfied?  oh sure, you've said it before - "I'm completely happy with life."  of course i have been happy with my life.  i have had many blessings and i wouldn't trade my life with anyone else in the world.  however, i do find myself continuously striving for something more.  as a child, i was motivated to perform well - in sports, academia, socially, in my family dynamic.  as a young adult, i was motivated to achieve scholastically and drove myself to obtain my bachelor's degree and then my master's degree.  now that I have a full time job, and it's the same every day, i find myself wanting to exercise my creative muscles.  is this really all there is to life?  wake up, feed the dog, go to the gym, go to work, come home, make dinner, feed the dog, keep up the house, go to sleep, and do it all over again?  this surely can't be why God has me here on this little spot of earth.  surely there is something to be passionate about.  i've only got to find it! 

and when i do find it, will i be satisfied?

i very much enjoyed my weekend visit to austin, texas.  my initial reasons for travelling there are complete bullshit.  i didn't think i would be this disappointed upon my return.  however, i choose to  remember all the fun my mate and i had while there.  we had no idea that it was mardi gras weekend and were happily surprised by all of the events.  i would much rather have been there during sxsw, but whatever.  hollie and i had such a blast doing new things and visiting quirky shops.  the people watching was phenomenal.  as the blisters on my feet remind me, the lifestyle there is much different than it is here. 
this spurred a thought process that i cannot shake.  how did i end up here?  oklahoma?  really?  this just doesn't seem to fit.  i was born a northerner and dragged to oklahoma so that my mother could marry my step-father.  now i cannot seem to get out of this boring state.  sure, there are plenty of things to do here, but the lifestyle just doesn't fit me.  i don't fancy it at all.  it's no wonder that i go through my days feeling completely dis-engaged.  by the end of the day, i sit here and wonder, what the hell did i just do today?  don't get me wrong, i enjoy my life.  people have said that i have a "zest" for life.  i have been described as a positive person, upbeat, and the peacemaker.  i've also been described as a great listener.  maybe i'm such a great "listener" because i'm not really here.  my mind is always somewhere else wanting to be doing something more.  i cannot name one thing that i am quite passionate about. 
i wonder how i came to be what i am.  did i really get to choose my life?  yes, i know that i sound much like an indulgent whining brat, but when i think about how i grew up, i'm really not sure that i did choose my own life.  i grew up in a small, sheltered town.  all i ever wanted to do was get out and make money.  as a young girl, i chose a career that i thought i would make money doing.  i quickly realized i was good at it, too.  now that i'm done with all the schooling and have been doing it for a couple years, i hate it!  i just want to give it all up and do something artistic and creative.  i want to go back to writing songs, taking photographs, etc.  i want a new lifestyle.  i want to get out of this place.  i want to be around different people.  i want to get away from these people with such closed opinions and thought processes.  i feel like there is so much more out there to be experienced.  i feel trapped in the mundane life here. 

everyone seemed so free in austin.  so many interesting people.  i'm already counting the days until i go back.  but i don't want to go back with my fiancee'.  i want to go back by myself.  i want to experience all that austin has to offer.